It's 13:54 on Wednesday the 24.01 and it's been over two days since my first post and despite prayers and hope otherwise there is still no trace of either the airplane or passengers Emiliano Sala and David Ibbotson.
Can someone tell me what to do because right now I have no idea.
The sky outside my office is the dullest shade of grey and the general sick feeling in the pit of my stomach continues to murmur away like distant thunder. Shock has turned to sadness and now abject sorrow.
The football has definitely taken the furthest seat away from me right now, honestly why do we care so much about a game when people's lives have probably been lost and families destroyed.
The sad truth is, at some point the football will become important again and that sense of perspective will be gone all over again.
I sat here at my desk listening to a ten minute interview between Talksport's Jim White and the Cardiff City chief executive Ken Choo with tears in my eyes. To hear the strain in his voice and appreciate the multi-faceted tragedy that he has been tasked with somehow steering Cardiff City makes one appreciate just how tough this has been on Cardiff City Football Club in general.
We stand and fall together as a family and right now we are down. We will rise again one day but right now the punch has only just landed and it still feels like we're falling.
May we learn the news we are all desperate to learn sooner rather than later and may Mr Sala and Mr Ibbotson's families know that no matter what happens, we are for them and with them every step of the way.
Cardiff City Stadium
Home of the Bluebirds
Thursday, 24 January 2019
Wednesday, 23 January 2019
Rescue turns to recovery
Cautionary note: I realise it has not been confirmed officially but it seems we are looking at a tragic end to this....I HOPE I AM WRONG OF COURSE.
So here we are some 25 hours on from my post yesterday and still no aircraft, still no sign of either passenger and hope begins to fade to sorrow.
It's the strangest sensation when you begin to mourn someone when you don't know for sure if they've even passed away. They're also someone you've never met and whilst on one hand you know it makes little sense, what in this world does?
On a footballing level, Sala represented a new hope, Cardiff City have been up against it in recent weeks and he was to be our saviour. He represented a renewed effort from the Bluebirds to prove the critics wrong and achieve mission impossible avoiding relegation.
On another altogether more important level he is a young man in the prime of his life and excited to make the next step into the world's spotlight. Couple that with a family desperate for information and loved ones and friends incredulous at what's happened and frankly who cares about the football?
This one really hurts and it feels wrong to be saying it, almost as if I have no right to be in mourning for someone I never really knew let alone saw play for my team.
Nevertheless, I don't know what to do but write it all down and hope it all makes sense one day.
My prayer was that they were found alive and well but now it seems that isn't a realistic option. It's got to the stage where I'm refreshing twitter just hoping they've located the aircraft and the families can finally know what's happened.
I'm not interested at the moment in who is to blame and whether it could have been stopped, all I care about now is finding them and allowing their families to begin to move forward with the process.
Sala, you will always be the one that got away and it'll always be the greatest pain to everyone involved, I can only hope you're both at peace now and the worries of this world are long behind you.
So here we are some 25 hours on from my post yesterday and still no aircraft, still no sign of either passenger and hope begins to fade to sorrow.
It's the strangest sensation when you begin to mourn someone when you don't know for sure if they've even passed away. They're also someone you've never met and whilst on one hand you know it makes little sense, what in this world does?
On a footballing level, Sala represented a new hope, Cardiff City have been up against it in recent weeks and he was to be our saviour. He represented a renewed effort from the Bluebirds to prove the critics wrong and achieve mission impossible avoiding relegation.
On another altogether more important level he is a young man in the prime of his life and excited to make the next step into the world's spotlight. Couple that with a family desperate for information and loved ones and friends incredulous at what's happened and frankly who cares about the football?
This one really hurts and it feels wrong to be saying it, almost as if I have no right to be in mourning for someone I never really knew let alone saw play for my team.
Nevertheless, I don't know what to do but write it all down and hope it all makes sense one day.
My prayer was that they were found alive and well but now it seems that isn't a realistic option. It's got to the stage where I'm refreshing twitter just hoping they've located the aircraft and the families can finally know what's happened.
I'm not interested at the moment in who is to blame and whether it could have been stopped, all I care about now is finding them and allowing their families to begin to move forward with the process.
Sala, you will always be the one that got away and it'll always be the greatest pain to everyone involved, I can only hope you're both at peace now and the worries of this world are long behind you.
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